Sunday, August 22, 2010

Bladl caught embezzling, Barnstoiler in motorcycle accident

This week's skirmish between Kilimanjaro-Dormington board members ended with chairs flying, coffee mugs banging and the company wondering. Although this was not a fight specifically between board members from Kilimanjaro and ones from Dormington, the company would still like to even out the board which has many more Kilimanjaro members.
Shockingly, Saccelberry-Gerard says they will "move on" without Chief Executive Officer Nathaniel Xackley (Pronounced Zaklee) who was with the company for two and a half years. The company which is currently in a tough stretch addressed the media Friday saying they have other plans without Xackley. Although, they did not speak about the decision coming so suddenly. Also Barry Bo Barnstoiler, VP of Marketing and Research Relations for Saccelberry-Gerard was injured in a motorcycle accident also involving Melgatroid Gurbystout's (See June 1) brother. Both are primarily okay except for Barnstoiler who has a fractured left arm.
Ferkington's President Ervin Bladl recently tried to switch the company from making their best-selling Tangelo-Orangequat juice to producing Guava scented Limequat juice. This was all before Bladl was caught embezzling money earlier this week. We asked Turner Tobiasen, Kumquat enthuiast in Chicken, Alaska about the subject. "I honestly think this unecessary behavior and poor leadership are what is holding up the company right now. Ferkington just needs to rebuild and step up a little bit, but otherwise I think their doing just fine." Ferkington has made low profits recently.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Breaking News

Saccelberry-Gerard will move on without Chief Executive Officer Nathaniel Xackley. This report was recently given to us by the Obie's Kumquats Branch in Toledo, Ohio.

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Friday, August 20, 2010

Contest Winner Chosen!

Congratulations, Nick Tobier! You are the winner of our February 28 Contest! ( Nick's punchline was by far the funniest of the 3 entries and will be sent to Ebeneezer Trouttrucker, the author of the popular book, What's the Difference Between a Fish and a Kumquat?. Thank you to all the contributors. We will try to do another contest soon.