Who is Aroldis Reynie Shapiro?

Being a Senior Agent for the International Kumquat Federation can be an interesting occupation. Here is the bio of Aroldis Reynie Shapiro, as promised.

Shapiro's parents were interesting people. His mother was a paleontologist named Henrietta Reynolphudolious, later shortened to Reynie. She was often away on digs so Shapiro rarely saw her. His father, Charles Duckey Shapiro was a crazy independent inventor who was always working on new inventions. These included solar powered fax machines and horse manure powered motorcycles. Shapiro Jr. grew up mainly on his own. As a teen, Aroldis Shapiro was quiet and unassuming. Actually, he was secretly a vandal and graffiti artist. But at age 18, Shapiro's life was turned around after his reading of George Muterstein's bestselling book; Moose and the Divine. He then got a scholarship to Columbia University to major in Citrus botany. At age 27 , he decided to become a federal agent. But when he didn't make the cut, he got a job at the IKF and worked through the ranks all the way up to Senior Agent. He is now 50 and has convinced 45% of the IKF board to investigate Philipé Swensington. The investigation would be about possible insider trading.

Some know him as a great agent, others as a grumpy old man. Let's hope the board believes �in the first option.

Next post: Ferkington's New Division

And a Happy Kumquat New-Year.

    Many questions have arisen throughout the past couple of weeks. Will the IKF be persuaded to investigate Philpé Swentzinsten? Will Todai make a New Year's resolution to become less commercial? Is Ferkington seeing a sudden fall in profits? The New Year brings us a lot questions and quite a bit of news. 

It may seem that Ferkington is in a financial problem but actually, according to Solomon H.A Arkanstonias a Kumquat expert, that's not the case. 

"Despite the appearance that Ferkington is losing money, Saccelberry- Gerard is actually gaining more money than usual. Why? Theories suggest that this is due to the fact that more people have been concerned about their health lately. Making Saccelberry-Gerard the Kumquat to eat. Ferkington is still [legally] making large profits." 

Will Todai become non-commercial? The answer is probably no. This is because with no leadership changes their plan is the same. Stay commercial until their is somewhat less of financial crisis, then it seems unclear if they will take the option to go in a different direction.

Next Post: A full bio of Aroldis Renie Shapiro 

On Wilderness Conservation

Recently, a Chinese company announced they would be flattening the last remaining wild kumquat trees to make way for houses and other buildings. What has the IKF done about this? When the company first announced this plan the IKF offered them an unknown sum of money, estimated to be several thousand U. S. dollars to stop. The company responded by demanding several times more. The IKF refused and has made no other attempt since.

But don't count the "kumquat forest" out quite yet. A group has been formed just because of this event. They are called WKPA, or the Wild Kumquat Preservation Association. One of the informal leaders of this group, Melvin Vlotnork, told me,

"We are doing all we can." What that is, I don't know. But let's hope it works.

Kumquat Carols

Enjoy your holidays and make sure to sing these kumquat carols!

To the tune of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Tobango the red fleshed kumquat

Had very shiny skin!

If you ever ate it

You would say it tastes good

All of the other kumquats

Used to laugh and call him names

They never let poor Tobango

Join in any kumquat trees

Then one foggy Christmas Eve

George Muterstein came to say

Tobango with your skin so bright

won't you guide my company today?

Then all the kumquats loved him

As they shouted with glee

Tobango the red fleshed kumquat

You'll go down in history!

To the tune of we wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry kumquat

We wish you a merry kumquat

We wish you a merry kumquat

And a happy kumquats eve!

We'll give you lots of Ferkingtons

We'll give you lots of Ferkingtons

We'll give you lots of Ferkingtons

And a Saccelberry-Gerard!

More on Surpassa Fika and Treey

More exciting news this week in the Small Citrus world. A minor riot in Houghton by customers of Treey {TREE-EE}, possible insider trading with Surpassa Fika.  This week was the third consecutive week since a time in August when Ferkington has not been the leader in stocks by the end of the week. We talked to Vintiń Queninoski in Boise, Idaho about the strange phenomenon. He works at the St. Liynel Institute for the the L-ascorbic acid (Vitamin C) Impaired. He told us that he hates Ferkington for "their obvious health hazards" and he is "relieved that their massive profits are finally falling."

  The IKF (International Kumquat Federation) is being persuaded by Aroldis Reynie Shapiro, a federal agent and committee member, to investigate insider trading by Philipé Switzensten. Switzensten was a former Chairman of the Board and Vice President of International Trading for Surpassa Fika. Shapiro has only gotten only roughly 5 percent of the committee to approve.

In other news, reports say Police were forced to shut down Treey last Friday due to customer fights in a long line after work hours. Treey declined to comment. Also Kilamanjaro-Dormington board members got into a fight that involved chair throwing. The board is over-populated by Dormington members.

Next Post: The Last Remaining wild kumquats grow in China.  But developers want to cover the famed "Kumquat Forest" with much needed housing. What is the IKF doing about this?

Surpassa Fika

Surpassa Fika Kumquats LLC Chairman of Board Philipé Switzensten resigns after 6 years.

More next post.

Eli

Who is George Muterstein?

Big news: Kilimanjaro has finally agreed to a merger with Dormington! Dormington, which was previously in serious financial trouble is looking for new success. The two companies usually rival each other in the market, but experts believe that the new union will be stronger, financially and otherwise, than the sum of it parts.

We have some new info on George Muterstein, the new owner of Tobango. Here is his Bio:

Muterstein had a frustrating early life. This was because his strictly Lutheran mother, the famous city dentist Vivian Yanious-Canterbury pushed George to follow her footsteps. He rarely saw his father Harry Muterstein, who was a hard working marketing director for a hardhat company. As a depressed teen, George was directed by his father to speak to a Rabbi for guidance. Muterstein liked the Rabbi a lot and decided to attend Rabbinic school. At this point, his mother divorced his father. He later graduated with top marks, became a successful reform Rabbi and wrote several popular books. The biggest hit was Moose and the Divine: A Spiritual Journey. Muterstein went on to possess much stock in the Kumquat industry before acquiring Tobango Kumquats LLC.

Next Post: How is Surpassa Fika doing in these times of economic misery?