Arkanstonias accepts job offer at Kilimanjaro-Dormington, but only to "certain" terms

Hubit Shpeiper has recently written a book he says will "give us a better understanding of what goes on daily in the kumquat market." Shepiper, 41 a correspondent for Corgi's kumquats book is called "The Sweet and the Sour": The Present Age of the Kumquat business. Shpeiper also says the book mentions trade and deception that go on regularly.

While the Chicken, Alaska Ptarmigans struggle to stay in third place in their division, Solomon H.A Arkanstonias verbally accepted a job offer to be a consultant for Kilimanjaro-Dormington. Although in a private speech earlier the week, Arkanstonias said he would only do it if he had the maximum salary for a contract with four or more years to it.

Next Post: Is Ferkington's shady leadership holding up the company?

Kilamanjaro-Dormington Advertises Cheerily while Todai Goes Under

Todai recently declared bankruptcy after switching from their commercial selling strategy to a more consumer-oriented, higher quality side. The only problem?

"Their kumquats remained decidedly low quality." said Hubit Shpeiper, correspondent and analyst for Corgi's Kumquats. "It seems that Todai didn't switch kumquats, just marketing strategies."

Meanwhile, Kilimanjaro-Dormington has begun a huge advertising campaign, with ads in the Obie's Kumquat's newsletter, widely watched fruit TV channels, and other press sources. They are very happy, "upbeat" (according to the company), and "obnoxiously sugar-coated" (according to an anonymous parent). The ads are mainly to wash away any association with the Addicting Kumquat Scandal of 1993 (see December 6 http://kskumquats.blogspot.com/2009/12/who-is-george-muterstein.html#comments) As far as we can tell, they seem to be working. But it is too early to really tell how much good it will do.

The Kumquat Tea Party

A very interesting event recently happened in the kumquat world. A certain brand of kumquat found only in Africa which is imported at exorbitant prices has gone to far. A group of angry protesters dressed as West African tribesman who wanted the prices down secretly boarded a cargo plane carrying cases of this brand from Nairobi to San Francisco. Then, when the plane was well into the U. S. they emptied the crates out the side of the plane. Many cases landed in the yards of Bertram Sandstice and his neighbor Melgatroid Gurbystout. We talked to Bertram Sandstice for his feelings.

"We were very glad that we had such good luck. After we had finished off the extras, we went to the store for more. the outrageous price stopped us. I hope the protest has some effect to drive the price down.

Muterstein's Vacation

George Muterstein just arrived back from a vacation in Hawaii with the ownership of a minor league baseball team and a new breed of kumquats. The baseball team is the Chicken, Alaska Ptarmigans. The kumquat is the PaleGrapefruit, which, instead of looking like a miniature orange, looks like a white grapefruit with light yellow skin and dark red flesh. They are very sweet but with flavor, unlike Ferkingtons. Muterstein said that he expected them to sell well and increase Tobango's expected low profits next quarter. We asked Turner Tobiasen, a native of Chicken, what he thought about George Muterstein owning his home team.

"I'm proud he chose our town and team among all the other small town minor league teams. As assistant manager, I'm expecting lots of free samples."

Also, famous doctor Ernest Applesnapper and his team have finally made a breakthrough. They have created a type of kumquat that will cure cancer. However, drugs derived from the plant have not yet been approved by the FDA and will not be available for several years. Even when they do, they will be very expensive. Don't get your hopes up.

Swensington Arrested!

Wednesday morning Police and International Kumquat Federation agents arrested Philipe Swensington at his home in Tuscon. He was arrested on counts of major business fraud in the Kumquat Market and resisting arrest. Swensington was the CEO of Surpassa Fika Kumquats for 6 years and tried to escape authorities in a helicopter off his six-story roof. The fraud that will now be investigated is insider trading and false advertising. Veteran Agent Aroldis Renie Shapiro persuaded the IKF to pursue the investigation.

The Oxford English Dictionary has announced that in the next edition they publish, the word Treeyy, pronounced Tree-ee-ee, which describes a business operating like Treey will be included. Also, Kilamanjaro-Dormington is hiring several new consultants and advisers. Some of the canidates include kumquat genius Solomon H. A. Arkanstonius and Corgi's Kumquats correspondent Hubit Schpeiper.

Next Post: How long will Ferkington continue to dominate the popular kumquat market?

UNBELIEVABLE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

GEORGE MUTERSTEIN SOLD TOBANGO!

AROLDIS REYNIE SHAPIRO DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT!

PHILIPE SWENSINGTON PROVED INNOCENT OF FRAUD!

FERKINGTON WENT OUT OF BUSINESS!

SURPASSA FIKA WILDLY POPULAR!

The Kumquat World is in ruins! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are Saccelberry-Gerards really better for you than other brands?

Saccelberry-Gerard widely promotes its health benefits. But are these claims legitimate, of are they just a cheap advertising scam? We talked to Llup Goedelevsky , a Professor of Nutrition and Health at Blumpus University.

"These claims, as bogus as they may sound, are for real" she said. "Saccelberry-Gerards have been proven time and again to be a good source of Vitamins A, C, E, and K and help to build a strong immune system and help keep the body over all happy and healthy."

So eat up your kumquats, and you'll grow up to be big and strong.