Sunday, January 31, 2010

Who is Aroldis Reynie Shapiro?

Being a Senior Agent for the International Kumquat Federation can be an interesting occupation. Here is the bio of Aroldis Reynie Shapiro, as promised.
Shapiro's parents were interesting people. His mother was a paleontologist named Henrietta Reynolphudolious, later shortened to Reynie. She was often away on digs so Shapiro rarely saw her. His father, Charles Duckey Shapiro was a crazy independent inventor who was always working on new inventions. These included solar powered fax machines and horse manure powered motorcycles. Shapiro Jr. grew up mainly on his own. As a teen, Aroldis Shapiro was quiet and unassuming. Actually, he was secretly a vandal and graffiti artist. But at age 18, Shapiro's life was turned around after his reading of George Muterstein's bestselling book; Moose and the Divine. He then got a scholarship to Columbia University to major in Citrus botany. At age 27 , he decided to become a federal agent. But when he didn't make the cut, he got a job at the IKF and worked through the ranks all the way up to Senior Agent. He is now 50 and has convinced 45% of the IKF board to investigate Philipé Swensington. The investigation would be about possible insider trading.
Some know him as a great agent, others as a grumpy old man. Let's hope the board believes �in the first option.

Next post: Ferkington's New Division

Saturday, January 16, 2010

And a Happy Kumquat New-Year.

    Many questions have arisen throughout the past couple of weeks. Will the IKF be persuaded to investigate PhilpĂ© Swentzinsten? Will Todai make a New Year's resolution to become less commercial? Is Ferkington seeing a sudden fall in profits? The New Year brings us a lot questions and quite a bit of news. 
It may seem that Ferkington is in a financial problem but actually, according to Solomon H.A Arkanstonias a Kumquat expert, that's not the case. 
"Despite the appearance that Ferkington is losing money, Saccelberry- Gerard is actually gaining more money than usual. Why? Theories suggest that this is due to the fact that more people have been concerned about their health lately. Making Saccelberry-Gerard the Kumquat to eat. Ferkington is still [legally] making large profits." 
Will Todai become non-commercial? The answer is probably no. This is because with no leadership changes their plan is the same. Stay commercial until their is somewhat less of financial crisis, then it seems unclear if they will take the option to go in a different direction.

Next Post: A full bio of Aroldis Renie Shapiro 

Saturday, January 9, 2010

On Wilderness Conservation

Recently, a Chinese company announced they would be flattening the last remaining wild kumquat trees to make way for houses and other buildings. What has the IKF done about this? When the company first announced this plan the IKF offered them an unknown sum of money, estimated to be several thousand U. S. dollars to stop. The company responded by demanding several times more. The IKF refused and has made no other attempt since.
But don't count the "kumquat forest" out quite yet. A group has been formed just because of this event. They are called WKPA, or the Wild Kumquat Preservation Association. One of the informal leaders of this group, Melvin Vlotnork, told me,
"We are doing all we can." What that is, I don't know. But let's hope it works.