Sunday, January 31, 2010

Who is Aroldis Reynie Shapiro?

Being a Senior Agent for the International Kumquat Federation can be an interesting occupation. Here is the bio of Aroldis Reynie Shapiro, as promised.
Shapiro's parents were interesting people. His mother was a paleontologist named Henrietta Reynolphudolious, later shortened to Reynie. She was often away on digs so Shapiro rarely saw her. His father, Charles Duckey Shapiro was a crazy independent inventor who was always working on new inventions. These included solar powered fax machines and horse manure powered motorcycles. Shapiro Jr. grew up mainly on his own. As a teen, Aroldis Shapiro was quiet and unassuming. Actually, he was secretly a vandal and graffiti artist. But at age 18, Shapiro's life was turned around after his reading of George Muterstein's bestselling book; Moose and the Divine. He then got a scholarship to Columbia University to major in Citrus botany. At age 27 , he decided to become a federal agent. But when he didn't make the cut, he got a job at the IKF and worked through the ranks all the way up to Senior Agent. He is now 50 and has convinced 45% of the IKF board to investigate Philipé Swensington. The investigation would be about possible insider trading.
Some know him as a great agent, others as a grumpy old man. Let's hope the board believes �in the first option.

Next post: Ferkington's New Division


  1. 'Moose and the Divine' has turned around the lives of many wayward souls. I'm not surprised it did the trick for dear old Aroldis.

  2. I had one of the first horse manure powered motorcycles. It worked great, but the police wouldn't allow me to park it near my favorite cafe. (They said some customers had complained about exhaust fumes.) So I had to trade it in for a much less sporty one that ran on phytoplankton and blue green algae.

  3. This sounds like more Shapiro apologists at work. I happen to have worked in the Bureau when Aroldis was first recruited. Even then, he was no friend of the Cumquat and in fact, it was widely rumored that he was a mole for the American Cactus-Pear Collective. I don't understand why you bloggers present one side of this searingly fascinating world. By the way, I had the original patent on Wind Turbine Palm Pilots, the sabotage of which is a story for another comment. Your organization writes well. I just like to see you give the little guy equal time.
    miniature citrus enthusiast