Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Kumquat Carols

Enjoy your holidays and make sure to sing these kumquat carols!

To the tune of Rudolph the red nosed reindeer

Tobango the red fleshed kumquat
Had very shiny skin!
If you ever ate it
You would say it tastes good

All of the other kumquats
Used to laugh and call him names
They never let poor Tobango
Join in any kumquat trees

Then one foggy Christmas Eve
George Muterstein came to say
Tobango with your skin so bright
won't you guide my company today?

Then all the kumquats loved him
As they shouted with glee
Tobango the red fleshed kumquat
You'll go down in history!

To the tune of we wish you a merry Christmas

We wish you a merry kumquat
We wish you a merry kumquat
We wish you a merry kumquat
And a happy kumquats eve!

We'll give you lots of Ferkingtons
We'll give you lots of Ferkingtons
We'll give you lots of Ferkingtons
And a Saccelberry-Gerard!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

More on Surpassa Fika and Treey

More exciting news this week in the Small Citrus world. A minor riot in Houghton by customers of Treey {TREE-EE}, possible insider trading with Surpassa Fika.  This week was the third consecutive week since a time in August when Ferkington has not been the leader in stocks by the end of the week. We talked to Vintiń Queninoski in Boise, Idaho about the strange phenomenon. He works at the St. Liynel Institute for the the L-ascorbic acid (Vitamin C) Impaired. He told us that he hates Ferkington for "their obvious health hazards" and he is "relieved that their massive profits are finally falling."
  The IKF (International Kumquat Federation) is being persuaded by Aroldis Reynie Shapiro, a federal agent and committee member, to investigate insider trading by Philipé Switzensten. Switzensten was a former Chairman of the Board and Vice President of International Trading for Surpassa Fika. Shapiro has only gotten only roughly 5 percent of the committee to approve.
In other news, reports say Police were forced to shut down Treey last Friday due to customer fights in a long line after work hours. Treey declined to comment. Also Kilamanjaro-Dormington board members got into a fight that involved chair throwing. The board is over-populated by Dormington members.

Next Post: The Last Remaining wild kumquats grow in China.  But developers want to cover the famed "Kumquat Forest" with much needed housing. What is the IKF doing about this?

Friday, December 11, 2009

Surpassa Fika

Surpassa Fika Kumquats LLC Chairman of Board Philipé Switzensten resigns after 6 years.

More next post.


Sunday, December 6, 2009

Who is George Muterstein?

Big news: Kilimanjaro has finally agreed to a merger with Dormington! Dormington, which was previously in serious financial trouble is looking for new success. The two companies usually rival each other in the market, but experts believe that the new union will be stronger, financially and otherwise, than the sum of it parts.
We have some new info on George Muterstein, the new owner of Tobango. Here is his Bio:
Muterstein had a frustrating early life. This was because his strictly Lutheran mother, the famous city dentist Vivian Yanious-Canterbury pushed George to follow her footsteps. He rarely saw his father Harry Muterstein, who was a hard working marketing director for a hardhat company. As a depressed teen, George was directed by his father to speak to a Rabbi for guidance. Muterstein liked the Rabbi a lot and decided to attend Rabbinic school. At this point, his mother divorced his father. He later graduated with top marks, became a successful reform Rabbi and wrote several popular books. The biggest hit was Moose and the Divine: A Spiritual Journey. Muterstein went on to possess much stock in the Kumquat industry before acquiring Tobango Kumquats LLC.

Next Post: How is Surpassa Fika doing in these times of economic misery?