Contest

If the title "What's the difference between a fish and a kumquat?" was a joke, what would be the punch line? The winning answer will be sent to Ebeneezer Troutrucker. Leave all answees in the Comments section

Has George Muterstein made a difference at Tobango?

Many eventful happenings in the Kumquat world lately. An archaeologist named Micob Orlandorus has discovered papers he says are the captain's log of the H.M.S Ventriloquist, an 18th century exploring vessel. The interesting thing is that in the journal, the captains mentions Cumquats, which he describes as "a small orange fruit the natives love. It is sour with a sweet, edible skin." Orlandorus thinks they were consumed by the sailors in large quantities to prevent scurvy.

To answer the question posed in our last post we talked to Ebeneezer Troutrucker the author of "What's the difference between a Fish and a Kumquat?" "I think Georgie Muterstein is a heckuva man but his impact on Tobango has been unexpectedly quiet. In my personal opinion Tobango's recent success is not because of Georgie." Troutrucker declined to say more.

Also, Northern Michigan newspapers are questioning that Treey will become lile Stonik in the way that they only sell in their local area.

In other news Aroldis Shapiro has not quite gotten the approval of the IKF board to investigate Philipé Swensington.

Next Post: Are Saccelberry-Gerards really better for you than other brands?

Genetic Modification and Bankruptcy: An Interesting Week

Much news in the Small Citrus World. Earlier this week we heard that Stonik Kumquats LTD will file for bankruptcy this week in front of court. Stonik came back to the major kumquat market this year after stopping the company's actions in 1922 due to a major Yellow-Bellied Marmot attack on their crop. M. Christopher Stonik IIII, the owner of the company, declined to comment in front of the media. We asked Hubit Shpeiper, a correspondent for Corgi's Kumquats, what he thought about Stonik's bankruptcy.

"If Stonik had gone national and reduced their quality vs. quantity ratio, they may have had a chance." Shpeiper also thinks that Stonik's leadership wasn't at it's best.

A company in San Fransisco is growing kumquats indoors. However, the Department of Agriculture has advised people not to eat them due to the "potentially dangerous fertilizers" used in the growing process. Also, the FDA is in the middle of a heated debate about genetic modification in kumquats. Since the technique is so new, nobody knows whether it is safe or not.

Next Post: Has George Muterstein really made a difference at Tobango?

Ferkington's New Division

Ferkington has eliminated a main competitor and a the same time gained a new division. A dispute with Catan Juice Products Inc. ended with Ferkington threatening to sue for slander and Catan agreeing to a merger with Ferkington. We interviewed Quincent Catan, Founder and president of Catan Juice.

"It wasn't my decision to let ourselves get bought out. But we will continue to produce high quality juices and juice blends like turkey fig juice, poha berry juice, and our specialty, tangelo-papaya blend." Ferkington has released a statement saying that nothing about the juice will change, including the logo.

Who is Aroldis Reynie Shapiro?

Being a Senior Agent for the International Kumquat Federation can be an interesting occupation. Here is the bio of Aroldis Reynie Shapiro, as promised.

Shapiro's parents were interesting people. His mother was a paleontologist named Henrietta Reynolphudolious, later shortened to Reynie. She was often away on digs so Shapiro rarely saw her. His father, Charles Duckey Shapiro was a crazy independent inventor who was always working on new inventions. These included solar powered fax machines and horse manure powered motorcycles. Shapiro Jr. grew up mainly on his own. As a teen, Aroldis Shapiro was quiet and unassuming. Actually, he was secretly a vandal and graffiti artist. But at age 18, Shapiro's life was turned around after his reading of George Muterstein's bestselling book; Moose and the Divine. He then got a scholarship to Columbia University to major in Citrus botany. At age 27 , he decided to become a federal agent. But when he didn't make the cut, he got a job at the IKF and worked through the ranks all the way up to Senior Agent. He is now 50 and has convinced 45% of the IKF board to investigate Philipé Swensington. The investigation would be about possible insider trading.

Some know him as a great agent, others as a grumpy old man. Let's hope the board believes �in the first option.

Next post: Ferkington's New Division

And a Happy Kumquat New-Year.

    Many questions have arisen throughout the past couple of weeks. Will the IKF be persuaded to investigate Philpé Swentzinsten? Will Todai make a New Year's resolution to become less commercial? Is Ferkington seeing a sudden fall in profits? The New Year brings us a lot questions and quite a bit of news. 

It may seem that Ferkington is in a financial problem but actually, according to Solomon H.A Arkanstonias a Kumquat expert, that's not the case. 

"Despite the appearance that Ferkington is losing money, Saccelberry- Gerard is actually gaining more money than usual. Why? Theories suggest that this is due to the fact that more people have been concerned about their health lately. Making Saccelberry-Gerard the Kumquat to eat. Ferkington is still [legally] making large profits." 

Will Todai become non-commercial? The answer is probably no. This is because with no leadership changes their plan is the same. Stay commercial until their is somewhat less of financial crisis, then it seems unclear if they will take the option to go in a different direction.

Next Post: A full bio of Aroldis Renie Shapiro 

On Wilderness Conservation

Recently, a Chinese company announced they would be flattening the last remaining wild kumquat trees to make way for houses and other buildings. What has the IKF done about this? When the company first announced this plan the IKF offered them an unknown sum of money, estimated to be several thousand U. S. dollars to stop. The company responded by demanding several times more. The IKF refused and has made no other attempt since.

But don't count the "kumquat forest" out quite yet. A group has been formed just because of this event. They are called WKPA, or the Wild Kumquat Preservation Association. One of the informal leaders of this group, Melvin Vlotnork, told me,

"We are doing all we can." What that is, I don't know. But let's hope it works.